Goat Simulator: no holds baarred – the Payday DLC interview

I met Pilgor in one of the three lavish drawing rooms of her country abode. The air was sweet with a mix of exotic perfume, fine food and manure. Pilgor moves through the space like one might expect a goat in stilettos to: carefully, whilst bleating. Pilgor has come a long way from her humble beginnings on a working farm, with days spent juggling her time between auditions, a strict beauty regime and regular milkings. It wasn’t until the release of Goat Simulator that everything changed suddenly and she was rocketed, both figuratively and literally, into the hearts and minds of gamers across the world.

The then budding actress took what she described as a “low paid acting gig” in her quest for fame. Elaborating, Pilgor informs us that the schedule was “gruelling” and she had a hard time understanding what the human director meant by “can you make your tongue any longer?”. After the game’s surprise success, people suddenly begun recognizing her in the street. “I’d walk through town and people would yell ‘OH MY GOD, GOAT!!’, like it was the first time they’de seen a celebrity.” Her phone didn’t stop ringing for months, much to the confusion of the farm’s employees.

After the roaring success of Goat Simulator, Pilgor knew exactly what to say when Coffee Stain execs asked her to appear in the Goat MMO Simulator DLC pack: “how big is my trailer?”. Although she was now a household name, the epic scale of a High Fantasy realm was somewhat daunting. “I mean, they show me this microwave costume and I assume they’re pulling my hoof. Where did they expect my udders to go?! Like, obviously they edit them out post-production but they still have to fit in the suit”.

GoatZ marked Pilgor’s first steps into the murky world of Zombie Survival. “People assume it’s easy playing the undead but there is a lot of preparation that goes into the performance”, she tells me. “I was in the FX trailer from the crack of noon every day where I had to sit perfectly still for literally seven whole minutes while they crazy-glued hamburger meat to me, to give the illusion of rotting flesh. It was exhausting.” Pilgor stops for a moment to stir her drink. 9am seems a little early but I’m assured that it’s mainly grass and Aspirin. “They used real zombies, you know. They bussed them in. I’ve seen some things, man…” Pilgor trails off, staring vacantly across the room with an expression that can only be described as meme-able.

When it came time to cast Payday, the new PS4 DLC title, the studio bigwigs decided to go a different direction. “I get it. They wanted a man for the leading part”, Pilgor scoffs, referring to the Ibex who plays the title’s lead character, Don. “You know, more Billy less Nanny?”. After a contemplative pause she adds “…I’m certainly not bitter,” nonchalantly pushing a nearby dartboard of Don’s face out of my eyeline. “You know, not many people know but I WAS actually in Payday,” she proudly announces. “Just watch the credits, I play Dolph Spaghetti”. Pilgor goes on to explain that she was called in to provide the motion capture for Dolph because “they got through three actual dolphin actors before realising that the whole breathing outside of water thing was a problem”.

When I ask her whether she has any plans for kids, she snarls at the pun before I even realised I’ve made it.

Goat Simulator: Payday DLC includes a new map, four new playable goats and introduces the new quest system: Pranknet. It’s out now on PS4, download here.